Friends, Spoons, and Automobiles
by Sasha1215
Summary: What would you do if Harry Potter called you in the middle of the night talking about spoons? Probably about the same as Ron and Hermione. Or not. Whatever. Either way, this is funny so READ IT! RHr, HG implied, kinda


**A/N: Harry killed Voldemort. And in the process went just a little bit crazy. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned Harry Potter, would I seriously do this to him? Then again, Jo isn't very sweet to him either...**

RINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!

A head of messy red hair popped up from a fluffy down comforter, and the man who owned the hair groaned.

"Get da phone…" a voice from beside him muttered, and he knew he better do it. Hermione could get dangerous when she was mad.

"Hello?" Ron gruffed into the phone.

"SPOINK!" a cheerful voice called from the other end.

"Spoink?" Ron was almost too tired to ask. Almost. His best friend never ceased to amaze him.

"Yes, spoink!" the voice crowed again. "Brilliant word! Simply brill!"

"Oh. Er… yes." Ron growled.

"You know what word it reminds me of? Huh, Ron? Do you?"

"Let me guess…" Rom pretended to think, "Could it ever be _spoon_?"

"YES!" Harry screamed into the phone, giggling madly like a girl. "How did you ever guess?"

"Just lucky, I guess." Ron muttered, rolling his eyes. Lately, Harry had been having a spoon fetish. It was quite annoying, but everyone had agreed unanimously that it was much better than his chain saw fetish. Not to mention safer, for everyone involved. Right now, Harry had 2,897 spoons. It seemed that when someone killed the evilest wizard ever, it didn't matter how crazy he got. The people gave him what he wanted, and what he wanted were spoons. They came in by the box full every day.

"Golly gee, Ron, you are just an amazing guesser! You seem to always get it right!"

Ron groaned slightly.

"Just a bit ago I started making a list of words that remind me of spoon. You wanna hear? So far I have 15,365 words. Ginny helped. But just a little."

"Uh… could this wait till morn-?"

"Spark, spork, step, soon, moon, puma, loon, cartoon, fork, knife, tune, June, saloon, shalom, dairy-."

"Dairy?" Ron couldn't help but interrupt.

"Well, it rhymes with Harry. And Harry _likes _spoons, so…"

"Ahhhhh…" Ron nodded. It made sense. Or, it made about as much sense as anything Harry had said lately.

"Listen, Harry… can we please continue this in the morning?"

"Morning? Hey! That's a good one! It's going on the list!" Ron could hear the scraping of a pen on the other end of the line.

"Harry… I really do have to go…"

"GO! Brilliant!" There were more scribbling sounds.

"Harry…"

"HAIRY!"

"Please…"

"PLEASE!"

"Wait, please?"

"Yes. Ron said 'please'. Ron is friends with Harry. Harry likes-."

"Ah. Got it."

That was when the person lying next to Ron finally sat up with an angry groan.

"Give me that phone Ron."

When Ron just stared at Hermione, she roared.

"Give me the damn phone, Ron!"

"Herm… you know how he is… yelling doesn't help…"

"Give. Me. The. PHONE."

Ron handed over the phone, cowering under the covers.

"Harry?" Hermione's voice took on a sweet tone.

"Hermione? Oh, I thought you were Ron!"

"Well, it _was_ Ron, but then he-."

"Omigod! Ron is Hermione? And Hermione is Ron? So you're a shape shifter? Bloody Brilliant!"

"No, Harry…"

"So what do I call you? Hermiron? Ronione? Rermione? Hon? Heronione? Rohermionen-."

"HARRY! This is Hermione. Remember me?" Hermione screamed.

"Mhm." Harry mumbled.

"Do you think I am pretty?"

"Uh…yes." Not even Harry was crazy enough to say no.

"Do you want me to stay pretty?"

"Uh… yes?"

"THEN LET ME GET MY FUCKING BEAUTY SLEEP!"

"Sleep!" Harry shouted.

"ARGH!" Hermione roared, slamming the phone onto the cradle. Then, she turned on Ron. "That's it. This has gone too far. I love Harry, too, but he needs professional help. Tomorrow, we go to see the shrink." With that, Hermione flicked off her lamp and flopped back on the pillow. Ron stayed sitting up for a few moments before glaring at Hermione.

"You love Harry!" he accused.

Hermione screamed into her pillow. Quickly, Ron flicked off his own lamp and lay back on his pillow. He fell asleep angrily muttering.

**A/N: Hehehe. LOL. This is probably a one shot, unless I get bored sometime. REVIEW!**


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